The last couple of months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. We (Aubrey and I) have been trying to raise money for our trip to Liberia, our house has been on the market forever it seems and there have been some bumps in the roads with both of my older kids.
Through it all there have been days where I have really wanted to throw in the towel and wave my white flag. I feel like I was stuck in this downward spiral and couldn't get out. I have been so impatient with God and wanting things at MY time not His.
God has blessed us so much in the past few weeks though. All of the support for our trip came in from wonderful friends and family, my older ones are pulling it together and both have gotten into the schools I wanted them to attend ( Aubrey will be going to Tacoma School of the Arts and Tom was accepted into SAMI the new math and science high school) and as of Sunday we have a buyer for our house!
God has been so amazing in all of the blessings and miracles he has provided us in the past few weeks and has really shown me that without HIM I can do nothing and no matter what my time line is, it is all in His timing.
Thank you Lord for your many blessings. As I sit here on this plane going to Liberia today I am so thankful for all of his provisions and in working in my heart so I can serve the people of Liberia better and be witness to His wonders.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
It has been forever
It has been forever since I have last updated our blog. I think of it often, but I feel like our life is in a constant state of chaos lately and have not had time.
Where to begin.... let's see since my last post we are trying to sell our house, have put an offer on a bank owned home so that we have room for all of the kids. It is such a crappy time to sell right now because we are competing with all of the bank owned homes. I am praying it will sell soon because I can't stand trying to live in a house we really can't live in anymore. All of our furniture is in storage and everything has to stay perfectly clean at all times ( which is impossible with 3 kids). We have come to the conclusion if it doesn't sell soon we are just going to add on to our house and be done with it.
Tom, is still being a pain. You would think he would get it by now, but he is still struggling with authority and following rules. Last week he got 2 days in school suspension. I don't know if he will ever get it. He is wearing me down these days and it is harder and harder to deal with him. It breaks my heart since I love him so much, but am struggling these days to like him. I hate to admit that, but I am being honest. I think it sometimes is easier to love your children than it is to like them when they hit their teens. I am praying that God work on my heart.
Keegan has been doing great this year in 3rd grade. I love his teacher and he is excelling in her class. He just took the highly capable test a couple of weeks ago and if anxiously awaiting the results. He is always busy and keeping me on my toes, but brings me such joy with his silliness and the fact that he still loves to cuddle.
Aubrey has been a roller coaster of ups and downs this past month. High school is taking it's toll on us all these days. I don't know how I will survive the next 4 years and yet I am so glad that I don't have to go through what she is going through. A couple of weeks ago she fell while visiting a friend at the hospital and of all things broke her jaw! She has been out of school now for about 5 weeks because she can not be at school with a wired jaw. She has been a good sport about it though and thanks to our wonderful friends lending us their vita mixer she has gotten used to dinners in the mixer. Last week they finally cut the wires to see how her jaw was healing, but she is not allowed to chew at all. Tomorrow we go back in for them to wire/rubber band it closed again until it heals. It has been nice having her out of school away from all of the drama for a while now, but I know the count down is on for her to go back and I am just praying that God guards her heart and that it be an easy transition.
I am counting down the days until I leave for Liberia..that is the only thing besides my husband that has been keeping me sane these days. I am helping out with the auction for STC and getting everything in order for the trip. We are supposed to leave the 17th of June and so far our team consists of Rachael, Aubrey and myself. It might be the smallest team ever, but I am still excited to get back there and be with those beautiful children and be surrounded by the wonderful people of Liberia.
Wow, that was a lot! I will do my best to keep up on this now and not wait so long to update this again.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
1 year already
On Monday night we celebrated Tom's 1 year anniversary. I can't believe it has been that long already. I feel like I can cross it of as achieving a milestone in having Tom a part of our family.
In one year Tom has gained almost 21 lbs., grown 4 inches and is reading at a 2nd grade level. He has grown so much physically and mentally since he has been here. It is sometimes hard to wrap my brain around it.
I am not going to lie, for most of you that read my blogs it has been quite a rough road of ups and downs, failures and success, but for the most part I would not trade it for anything. I feel like through this all God has grown me and helped me to become a stronger person and I have had to deal with a lot of things that I usually like to run and hide from.
Tom has blessed our family in so many ways and has taught us all so much. I am so thankful for God blessing us with our son and even though there are days I would love to pull my hair out in frustration I know in a few years I will be able to look back in see God's amazing works in all of this.
To celebrate I had told him that I would take him ANYWHERE he wanted to go for dinner.... you can tell he has not been here long enough because he chose...Sharis! Oh, well he was happy and that is all that mattered. I can't wait to see the growth in him in this upcoming year and hope and pray that he starts making better choices and more of an effort to be a part of our family.
Only time will tell with lots of prayer and work I know he can make it. I am so thankful for the wonderful support of our family and friends that encourage us ( me) daily I don't think I could have made it to this point without it.
In one year Tom has gained almost 21 lbs., grown 4 inches and is reading at a 2nd grade level. He has grown so much physically and mentally since he has been here. It is sometimes hard to wrap my brain around it.
I am not going to lie, for most of you that read my blogs it has been quite a rough road of ups and downs, failures and success, but for the most part I would not trade it for anything. I feel like through this all God has grown me and helped me to become a stronger person and I have had to deal with a lot of things that I usually like to run and hide from.
Tom has blessed our family in so many ways and has taught us all so much. I am so thankful for God blessing us with our son and even though there are days I would love to pull my hair out in frustration I know in a few years I will be able to look back in see God's amazing works in all of this.
To celebrate I had told him that I would take him ANYWHERE he wanted to go for dinner.... you can tell he has not been here long enough because he chose...Sharis! Oh, well he was happy and that is all that mattered. I can't wait to see the growth in him in this upcoming year and hope and pray that he starts making better choices and more of an effort to be a part of our family.
Only time will tell with lots of prayer and work I know he can make it. I am so thankful for the wonderful support of our family and friends that encourage us ( me) daily I don't think I could have made it to this point without it.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Almost a year
Next week it will be our 1 year anniversary for Tom being a part of our family. I can't believe it has been that long yet.
I won't lie it has been a rough road and I don't think any books or advice could have prepared me for all the work and ups and downs it has been. Looking back I know that it was the right decision and God has prepared us to endure, learn and love him more from all of this.
He has been such a blessing to our family, he can be a stinker when he wants, but what kid isn't at some point. I think he has grown in so many ways and there are still some areas that need work. He is now reading at a second grade level, he is getting in less trouble at school and he making friends!
I know in the upcoming year we will make much more progress. It will still be hard, but I know God will give us the strength and wisdom to endure, love and teach him what is right. I pray that some day we will have a mother son relationship and with constant counseling I think we can work past some of the attachment issues.
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends to help us get through.
I won't lie it has been a rough road and I don't think any books or advice could have prepared me for all the work and ups and downs it has been. Looking back I know that it was the right decision and God has prepared us to endure, learn and love him more from all of this.
He has been such a blessing to our family, he can be a stinker when he wants, but what kid isn't at some point. I think he has grown in so many ways and there are still some areas that need work. He is now reading at a second grade level, he is getting in less trouble at school and he making friends!
I know in the upcoming year we will make much more progress. It will still be hard, but I know God will give us the strength and wisdom to endure, love and teach him what is right. I pray that some day we will have a mother son relationship and with constant counseling I think we can work past some of the attachment issues.
I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends to help us get through.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Life, craziness and Liberia
It seems like forever since I have posted. I feel like life is one big snowball that keeps rolling and I can't catch it. I am always 10 steps behind and can't get it together. You would think since I am not working outside of the home that I would be on top of it, but it seems to have gone the opposite.
Ronnie has been on vacation for the last couple of weeks. It has been nice to have him home more, but I know he is probably ready to go back to work to get a break from us. The kids have been going full steam ahead. Keegan, has become our littel whiz kid and still enjoys to be with me and cuddle, boy do I cherish everyone of those squeezes. Aubrey is always busy with friends these days or texting. Tom is the same old stuff, getting in trouble at school, playing soccer and only thinks of himself. Wow, I sound very cynical. I guess I have just gotten fed up with the way everything else around me keeps changing except for him. I wish he would get it, but unless you hit him with a brick I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. I just pray that something clicks in that brain of his and he starts moving forward.
Well, I do have one thing that I am very excited about. I have been blessed with the opportunity to lead a mission team to Liberia this June and take my daughter with me. I am so excited. I have been missing Liberia, I know for those of you who have been there would say "are you crazy?" I do though. I miss that everyone has a role, job so to speak. The kids are not lying around on the couch all day watching t.v. or texting or just thinking of themselves. I miss that you have to sit and talk to each other. I look at my family and they are all consumed by themselves. No talking unless you pry it out of them, no offering to help unless you yell at them to get off there butts. It is frustrating. I miss the closeness that I felt to God while I was there the lack of distractions and the true sense of community. At any given time you can look around in Liberia and see children as little as 2-3 doing chores, helping out and doing there best to help out there family.
I can't wait to see how this changes the life of my daughter. I hope that this trip will open her eyes to what is important in life, and help her to understand her brother better. I also hope that it helps me to have a better understanding for Tom. I have become less tolerant to his behavior and grow more and more frustrated by the way he acts.
I am excited to see how God uses us and to see the team that he puts together to go along with us. I am never disappointed after going to Liberia. There are setbacks, frustrations, but in the end God is the one who receives the glory and that is why it is so beautiful.
Now, I just need to give it over to God and pray for him to provide the finances to go.
Ronnie has been on vacation for the last couple of weeks. It has been nice to have him home more, but I know he is probably ready to go back to work to get a break from us. The kids have been going full steam ahead. Keegan, has become our littel whiz kid and still enjoys to be with me and cuddle, boy do I cherish everyone of those squeezes. Aubrey is always busy with friends these days or texting. Tom is the same old stuff, getting in trouble at school, playing soccer and only thinks of himself. Wow, I sound very cynical. I guess I have just gotten fed up with the way everything else around me keeps changing except for him. I wish he would get it, but unless you hit him with a brick I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. I just pray that something clicks in that brain of his and he starts moving forward.
Well, I do have one thing that I am very excited about. I have been blessed with the opportunity to lead a mission team to Liberia this June and take my daughter with me. I am so excited. I have been missing Liberia, I know for those of you who have been there would say "are you crazy?" I do though. I miss that everyone has a role, job so to speak. The kids are not lying around on the couch all day watching t.v. or texting or just thinking of themselves. I miss that you have to sit and talk to each other. I look at my family and they are all consumed by themselves. No talking unless you pry it out of them, no offering to help unless you yell at them to get off there butts. It is frustrating. I miss the closeness that I felt to God while I was there the lack of distractions and the true sense of community. At any given time you can look around in Liberia and see children as little as 2-3 doing chores, helping out and doing there best to help out there family.
I can't wait to see how this changes the life of my daughter. I hope that this trip will open her eyes to what is important in life, and help her to understand her brother better. I also hope that it helps me to have a better understanding for Tom. I have become less tolerant to his behavior and grow more and more frustrated by the way he acts.
I am excited to see how God uses us and to see the team that he puts together to go along with us. I am never disappointed after going to Liberia. There are setbacks, frustrations, but in the end God is the one who receives the glory and that is why it is so beautiful.
Now, I just need to give it over to God and pray for him to provide the finances to go.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Pumpkin Patch
This weekend we took the kids along with the Kendall Family to the Schliter Farm Pumpkin Patch. The kids had a blast and even though Tom said he did not want to go, I think I saw a few smiles. It was the perfect day to go the weather was clear and sunny and everyone found the perfect pumpkin.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Is this how Moses felt?
I was going through my BSF study tonight finishing up my lesson on Moses. As I was going through it I kept thinking about what it must of been like to be Moses and have such a huge task given to you. I could not imagine being a quiet, timid person and God asking to go and free a bunch of people from a horrible ruler. No matter how scared he might have been he was obedient and did it.
Sometimes I look at our adoption like this. I met this wonderful kid when I went to Liberia, fell in love with this sweet boy. God laid him on my heart so heavily that I could not forget him and even though it seemed impossible I was obedient and followed through with God's call to adopt him.
It has been almost a year and I am tired, broken and waiting for God to give me wisdom on what to do next. I feel like I am loosing all senses of what a mother is, especially to our adopted son. He pushes all of the limits and boundaries in our home, particularly with me and I struggle on how to like him lately. I am not saying I don't love him because I do so much that it hurts, but my goodness is it hard to be in the same room with him lately.
I feel like we will make great gains with him and then take numerous steps backwards. Ronnie and I met with a new therapist today. Our counselor and doctor recommended us finding a male counselor to do intense weekly therapy. He seemed like a nice man, but I left feeling more helpless than before I went. His opinion is that "these boys" are hard to fix. That empathy and compassion are formed by age 4 and here we are at age 13. We are not going to be able to change the way he is, but we can "manage" his behavior.
My heart sank, all I want is the boy that I knew in Liberia that laughed, smiled and cared back. I know I can't change him, but I do need to get our home under control it is complete chaos around here. I just want to be able to go to the store or short outings and not worry about what is happening at home with the kids, or receiving numerous phone calls of kids tattling on each other and fighting.
Is this how Moses felt when he went to the Israelites and they wouldn't listen to him? Helpless?? I know God is working in our home and especially in me, it is just really hard being patient and to listen for what he wants us to do. In no way does this compare to what Moses went through, but I wonder how discouraged and frustrated he must of felt? How much fear he must of felt about going to see the Egyptian's and whether his people would listen to him and follow him out.
Moses was amazing for not throwing in the towel. I am blessed to be going through this study right now. So Ican see how God continues to work even when we think He is not and to be thankful that it is not worse. I pray that God watch over our family, keep us strong and united, and that this will pass soon. I can't wait to look back and celebrate that we made it "out" of the struggles into something beautiful.
Sometimes I look at our adoption like this. I met this wonderful kid when I went to Liberia, fell in love with this sweet boy. God laid him on my heart so heavily that I could not forget him and even though it seemed impossible I was obedient and followed through with God's call to adopt him.
It has been almost a year and I am tired, broken and waiting for God to give me wisdom on what to do next. I feel like I am loosing all senses of what a mother is, especially to our adopted son. He pushes all of the limits and boundaries in our home, particularly with me and I struggle on how to like him lately. I am not saying I don't love him because I do so much that it hurts, but my goodness is it hard to be in the same room with him lately.
I feel like we will make great gains with him and then take numerous steps backwards. Ronnie and I met with a new therapist today. Our counselor and doctor recommended us finding a male counselor to do intense weekly therapy. He seemed like a nice man, but I left feeling more helpless than before I went. His opinion is that "these boys" are hard to fix. That empathy and compassion are formed by age 4 and here we are at age 13. We are not going to be able to change the way he is, but we can "manage" his behavior.
My heart sank, all I want is the boy that I knew in Liberia that laughed, smiled and cared back. I know I can't change him, but I do need to get our home under control it is complete chaos around here. I just want to be able to go to the store or short outings and not worry about what is happening at home with the kids, or receiving numerous phone calls of kids tattling on each other and fighting.
Is this how Moses felt when he went to the Israelites and they wouldn't listen to him? Helpless?? I know God is working in our home and especially in me, it is just really hard being patient and to listen for what he wants us to do. In no way does this compare to what Moses went through, but I wonder how discouraged and frustrated he must of felt? How much fear he must of felt about going to see the Egyptian's and whether his people would listen to him and follow him out.
Moses was amazing for not throwing in the towel. I am blessed to be going through this study right now. So Ican see how God continues to work even when we think He is not and to be thankful that it is not worse. I pray that God watch over our family, keep us strong and united, and that this will pass soon. I can't wait to look back and celebrate that we made it "out" of the struggles into something beautiful.
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