The Moss Family

Blessings

2009-06-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

The last couple of months have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. We (Aubrey and I) have been trying to raise money for our trip to Liberia, our house has been on the market forever it seems and there have been some bumps in the roads with both of my older kids.

Through it all there have been days where I have really wanted to throw in the towel and wave my white flag. I feel like I was stuck in this downward spiral and couldn't get out. I have been so impatient with God and wanting things at MY time not His.

God has blessed us so much in the past few weeks though. All of the support for our trip came in from wonderful friends and family, my older ones are pulling it together and both have gotten into the schools I wanted them to attend ( Aubrey will be going to Tacoma School of the Arts and Tom was accepted into SAMI the new math and science high school) and as of Sunday we have a buyer for our house!

God has been so amazing in all of the blessings and miracles he has provided us in the past few weeks and has really shown me that without HIM I can do nothing and no matter what my time line is, it is all in His timing.

Thank you Lord for your many blessings. As I sit here on this plane going to Liberia today I am so thankful for all of his provisions and in working in my heart so I can serve the people of Liberia better and be witness to His wonders.

It has been forever

2009-03-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

It has been forever since I have last updated our blog. I think of it often, but I feel like our life is in a constant state of chaos lately and have not had time.

Where to begin.... let's see since my last post we are trying to sell our house, have put an offer on a bank owned home so that we have room for all of the kids. It is such a crappy time to sell right now because we are competing with all of the bank owned homes. I am praying it will sell soon because I can't stand trying to live in a house we really can't live in anymore. All of our furniture is in storage and everything has to stay perfectly clean at all times ( which is impossible with 3 kids). We have come to the conclusion if it doesn't sell soon we are just going to add on to our house and be done with it.

Tom, is still being a pain. You would think he would get it by now, but he is still struggling with authority and following rules. Last week he got 2 days in school suspension. I don't know if he will ever get it. He is wearing me down these days and it is harder and harder to deal with him. It breaks my heart since I love him so much, but am struggling these days to like him. I hate to admit that, but I am being honest. I think it sometimes is easier to love your children than it is to like them when they hit their teens. I am praying that God work on my heart.

Keegan has been doing great this year in 3rd grade. I love his teacher and he is excelling in her class. He just took the highly capable test a couple of weeks ago and if anxiously awaiting the results. He is always busy and keeping me on my toes, but brings me such joy with his silliness and the fact that he still loves to cuddle.

Aubrey has been a roller coaster of ups and downs this past month. High school is taking it's toll on us all these days. I don't know how I will survive the next 4 years and yet I am so glad that I don't have to go through what she is going through. A couple of weeks ago she fell while visiting a friend at the hospital and of all things broke her jaw! She has been out of school now for about 5 weeks because she can not be at school with a wired jaw. She has been a good sport about it though and thanks to our wonderful friends lending us their vita mixer she has gotten used to dinners in the mixer. Last week they finally cut the wires to see how her jaw was healing, but she is not allowed to chew at all. Tomorrow we go back in for them to wire/rubber band it closed again until it heals. It has been nice having her out of school away from all of the drama for a while now, but I know the count down is on for her to go back and I am just praying that God guards her heart and that it be an easy transition.

I am counting down the days until I leave for Liberia..that is the only thing besides my husband that has been keeping me sane these days. I am helping out with the auction for STC and getting everything in order for the trip. We are supposed to leave the 17th of June and so far our team consists of Rachael, Aubrey and myself. It might be the smallest team ever, but I am still excited to get back there and be with those beautiful children and be surrounded by the wonderful people of Liberia.

Wow, that was a lot! I will do my best to keep up on this now and not wait so long to update this again.

1 year already

2008-11-20T15:31:00.001-08:00

On Monday night we celebrated Tom's 1 year anniversary. I can't believe it has been that long already. I feel like I can cross it of as achieving a milestone in having Tom a part of our family.

In one year Tom has gained almost 21 lbs., grown 4 inches and is reading at a 2nd grade level. He has grown so much physically and mentally since he has been here. It is sometimes hard to wrap my brain around it.

I am not going to lie, for most of you that read my blogs it has been quite a rough road of ups and downs, failures and success, but for the most part I would not trade it for anything. I feel like through this all God has grown me and helped me to become a stronger person and I have had to deal with a lot of things that I usually like to run and hide from.

Tom has blessed our family in so many ways and has taught us all so much. I am so thankful for God blessing us with our son and even though there are days I would love to pull my hair out in frustration I know in a few years I will be able to look back in see God's amazing works in all of this.

To celebrate I had told him that I would take him ANYWHERE he wanted to go for dinner.... you can tell he has not been here long enough because he chose...Sharis! Oh, well he was happy and that is all that mattered. I can't wait to see the growth in him in this upcoming year and hope and pray that he starts making better choices and more of an effort to be a part of our family.

Only time will tell with lots of prayer and work I know he can make it. I am so thankful for the wonderful support of our family and friends that encourage us ( me) daily I don't think I could have made it to this point without it.

Almost a year

2008-11-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Next week it will be our 1 year anniversary for Tom being a part of our family. I can't believe it has been that long yet.

I won't lie it has been a rough road and I don't think any books or advice could have prepared me for all the work and ups and downs it has been. Looking back I know that it was the right decision and God has prepared us to endure, learn and love him more from all of this.

He has been such a blessing to our family, he can be a stinker when he wants, but what kid isn't at some point. I think he has grown in so many ways and there are still some areas that need work. He is now reading at a second grade level, he is getting in less trouble at school and he making friends!

I know in the upcoming year we will make much more progress. It will still be hard, but I know God will give us the strength and wisdom to endure, love and teach him what is right. I pray that some day we will have a mother son relationship and with constant counseling I think we can work past some of the attachment issues.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends to help us get through.

Life, craziness and Liberia

2008-11-02T17:04:00.000-08:00

It seems like forever since I have posted. I feel like life is one big snowball that keeps rolling and I can't catch it. I am always 10 steps behind and can't get it together. You would think since I am not working outside of the home that I would be on top of it, but it seems to have gone the opposite.

Ronnie has been on vacation for the last couple of weeks. It has been nice to have him home more, but I know he is probably ready to go back to work to get a break from us. The kids have been going full steam ahead. Keegan, has become our littel whiz kid and still enjoys to be with me and cuddle, boy do I cherish everyone of those squeezes. Aubrey is always busy with friends these days or texting. Tom is the same old stuff, getting in trouble at school, playing soccer and only thinks of himself. Wow, I sound very cynical. I guess I have just gotten fed up with the way everything else around me keeps changing except for him. I wish he would get it, but unless you hit him with a brick I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. I just pray that something clicks in that brain of his and he starts moving forward.

Well, I do have one thing that I am very excited about. I have been blessed with the opportunity to lead a mission team to Liberia this June and take my daughter with me. I am so excited. I have been missing Liberia, I know for those of you who have been there would say "are you crazy?" I do though. I miss that everyone has a role, job so to speak. The kids are not lying around on the couch all day watching t.v. or texting or just thinking of themselves. I miss that you have to sit and talk to each other. I look at my family and they are all consumed by themselves. No talking unless you pry it out of them, no offering to help unless you yell at them to get off there butts. It is frustrating. I miss the closeness that I felt to God while I was there the lack of distractions and the true sense of community. At any given time you can look around in Liberia and see children as little as 2-3 doing chores, helping out and doing there best to help out there family.

I can't wait to see how this changes the life of my daughter. I hope that this trip will open her eyes to what is important in life, and help her to understand her brother better. I also hope that it helps me to have a better understanding for Tom. I have become less tolerant to his behavior and grow more and more frustrated by the way he acts.

I am excited to see how God uses us and to see the team that he puts together to go along with us. I am never disappointed after going to Liberia. There are setbacks, frustrations, but in the end God is the one who receives the glory and that is why it is so beautiful.

Now, I just need to give it over to God and pray for him to provide the finances to go.

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took the kids along with the Kendall Family to the Schliter Farm Pumpkin Patch. The kids had a blast and even though Tom said he did not want to go, I think I saw a few smiles. It was the perfect day to go the weather was clear and sunny and everyone found the perfect pumpkin.

Is this how Moses felt?

2008-10-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

I was going through my BSF study tonight finishing up my lesson on Moses. As I was going through it I kept thinking about what it must of been like to be Moses and have such a huge task given to you. I could not imagine being a quiet, timid person and God asking to go and free a bunch of people from a horrible ruler. No matter how scared he might have been he was obedient and did it.

Sometimes I look at our adoption like this. I met this wonderful kid when I went to Liberia, fell in love with this sweet boy. God laid him on my heart so heavily that I could not forget him and even though it seemed impossible I was obedient and followed through with God's call to adopt him.

It has been almost a year and I am tired, broken and waiting for God to give me wisdom on what to do next. I feel like I am loosing all senses of what a mother is, especially to our adopted son. He pushes all of the limits and boundaries in our home, particularly with me and I struggle on how to like him lately. I am not saying I don't love him because I do so much that it hurts, but my goodness is it hard to be in the same room with him lately.

I feel like we will make great gains with him and then take numerous steps backwards. Ronnie and I met with a new therapist today. Our counselor and doctor recommended us finding a male counselor to do intense weekly therapy. He seemed like a nice man, but I left feeling more helpless than before I went. His opinion is that "these boys" are hard to fix. That empathy and compassion are formed by age 4 and here we are at age 13. We are not going to be able to change the way he is, but we can "manage" his behavior.

My heart sank, all I want is the boy that I knew in Liberia that laughed, smiled and cared back. I know I can't change him, but I do need to get our home under control it is complete chaos around here. I just want to be able to go to the store or short outings and not worry about what is happening at home with the kids, or receiving numerous phone calls of kids tattling on each other and fighting.

Is this how Moses felt when he went to the Israelites and they wouldn't listen to him? Helpless?? I know God is working in our home and especially in me, it is just really hard being patient and to listen for what he wants us to do. In no way does this compare to what Moses went through, but I wonder how discouraged and frustrated he must of felt? How much fear he must of felt about going to see the Egyptian's and whether his people would listen to him and follow him out.

Moses was amazing for not throwing in the towel. I am blessed to be going through this study right now. So Ican see how God continues to work even when we think He is not and to be thankful that it is not worse. I pray that God watch over our family, keep us strong and united, and that this will pass soon. I can't wait to look back and celebrate that we made it "out" of the struggles into something beautiful.

Proud Mom

2008-10-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Keegan's 3rd grade conference. It was one of the best ones ever!!! Keegan has always done well in school, but struggled with his behavior.

I am beaming still from all that she had to say about my little man. He is reading at a 6th grade reading level, is the highest in his class in math and academically. She suggested we have him tested for the JAWS program in February. My mouth almost hit the floor. I knew he was a smart kid, but we have always struggled keeping him focused in class and on task.

I guess he has finally matured some and gained some self control. She is going to test out a new reading group having Keegan lead it with some other kids that are reading at a high level. They will be able to run their own reading group, which is so wonderful since he loves to read.

I am one proud momma! I knew he was my little genius, but this is so great to hear someone else brag about how great he is as well. It feels so nice to have a teacher tell you about how good your child is instead of the things that are doing wrong.

This is a great start to the school year, I hope he keeps it up.

Keegan's 9th Birthday

2008-10-06T22:25:00.001-07:00

Well, today my little man turned 9. I can't believe it has been nine years since I was blessed with this little bundle of energy. I knew from the time he was in my stomach he was going to be a firecracker and hence the name Keegan which is Irish for fiery one.

Keegan has brought so much joy and fun to our family. He is always busy, keeps us on our toes and is one of the most honest children I have ever met. He might not always make the best choices, but he is the first to rat himself out and come clean. He has a love for the Lord like no other child I have met. Since he was little he has amazed me with his relationship with God and his understanding for the word.

Keegan has kept me busy and on my toes, but has brought me so much happiness daily with all that he accomplishes. I am so thankful that God blessed me with this amazing, compassionate and loving little boy. He is going to be an amazing leader when he is grown, he has already started.

Happy 9th Birthday my little man, I hope you had a wonderful day and know how much I love you!

First Homecoming

2008-10-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight was Aubrey's first high school homecoming. I got the pleasure of doing all of the girls hair and makeup. I had so much fun, but was so sad to see how old my daughter looked when she was done. I can't believe how quickly she is growing up. I have the most amazing daughter and I am so blessed that I got to be a part of tonight's festivities.
Thank you Traci and Rachael for all your help. I so needed it tonight.

Back to school night

2008-10-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

So tonight was the final back to school night for us to attend. I am so glad. This was our third one in a week. I enjoy the elementary school's back to school night so much more than middle school and high school. You only have one class and one teacher to talk to and it only lasts 45 minutes and you are in and out.

Ronnie and I spent almost 2 hours tonight at Aubrey's back to school night for Wilson. This is where Ronnie and I attended high school and I tell you what it did not seem that big when we were there. Of course they added on to the school, but we were trekking from one end of the school to the other. I was tired by the end and overwhelmed going from class to class and listening to each teacher talking for 10 minutes. I am so glad I am not a teenager any more.

It was amazing seeing the technology they have in the classrooms with smart boards and clickers like you see on games shows to answer questions, online grades etc. Boy am I glad they didn't have some of that when I was in school or I would have been in a lot of trouble. With one click I can go online at anytime and look at every grade in all of her classes, as well as test scores, class work grades and missing assignments. I love it! She won't be able to get away with anything at school... which if she is anything like her mom or dad this is a good thing :-)

October...

2008-10-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have posted. Life has been busy, and I feel like we have been on a roller coaster of events. Ronnie is working a ton these days. He has been doing a ton of Coast Guard drills this past couple of weeks along with working for the State Patrol so it seems like we don't see him that much. On his days off he has been taking the boys and doing a ton of fishing. Hasn't caught one close to the size of Keegan's last one though.

I am going a bit stir crazy being at home all the time. I am not used to not working a 9-5 type job. I had taken the summer off to work on things with Tom and now struggling with trying to figure out either trying to make this Arbonne business work or jumping back into the work field with something that will allow me to drop kids off at school and be off in time to pick them up. I just don't want Ronnie to feel the pressure of having to provide for our family and want to help contribute as well. We will see what God has planned for me. I have been struggling with the fact that I am missing Africa like crazy. I keep trying to talk Ronnie into moving there, but he is not going for it...yet. There is something about being there that makes me feel so alive and content. I don't know what it is, but I just feel so peaceful and at home when I am there. I am anxious to visit some other places in Africa and keep praying for opportunities to allow me to go back. I would love to take Aubrey this summer back to Liberia so she could get a better understanding for where Tom came from and understand him a little better.

The kids have survived the first month of school. Keegan is doing great, we had his back to school night last night and his teacher Ms. Kelly said he is doing wonderful and that he is one of the most advanced kids in her class. Yay, I was so proud of my little man. He is making tons of new friends and loving everything about 3rd grade. He is working on self control and bless his little heart he is so honest when he does get in trouble. He is the first to tattle on himself. I do have to say we got the best note sent home today from his teacher saying that "Keegan was a model student today, both academically and behaviorally" I told him we should frame it.

Aubrey has become quite fond of high school, or the boys ( I am thinking it is the second). She is becoming so grown up these days and we just went shopping for her first formal of the year. Ack, it is hard for me to let her grow up. I want so desperately to keep her my little girl, but she is becoming an amazing young woman and I am so proud of her. I still struggling with the fact that so many juniors (boys) are a fan of her too. I am blessed that she still shares with me the details of her life, crushes, girl drama and the latest high school gossip. I know there will be a time that this will become a thing of the past so I cherish every moment that she spends with me.

Tom is still trying to figure out his place at school and home. We have glimpses into his world, but most of the time are shut out. We finally were able to get the school to put together a 504 learning plan for him which was a huge answer to prayers. This will be able to follow him all the way through high school and will give an opportunity to get more one on one time with teachers as well as adapted work so that he can get caught up. We are still struggling with him being obedient and respecting us actually it is more of a problem with him showing me respect. I have been struggling knowing that he has almost been here for 1 year and we are still having so many problems. I miss the smiling, fun loving boy that I knew in Liberia. The one who would just be happy to spend time with me and share stories with me. The sound of his laugh that would warm my heart. I haven't seen that boy in months now. I have a quiet, withdrawn and angry boy, that rarely laughs, barely shares his day or any thoughts with us. I am finding myself becoming more and more upset and short tempered with him as well. Which is not helpful in an already stressful situation.

At times I wonder if we ruined him some how by bringing him to the United States. I love this boy so much and want more than anything to see him happy and becoming a educated young man that has a love for the Lord, and even more for him to act like he is a part of our family. I am so thankful for our wonderful counselor that encourages us and gives me hope that one day we might function as a "normal" family.

I pray as we work through these hurdles with him that it draws us all closer as a family and most importantly closer to God. I try to imagine what it will be like a year from now with him and can't seem to see the end in sight, but it is hard to see all that God is doing in our lives when you are going through it.

I have been so encouraged by the study of Moses that I have been doing in BSF. It has helped remind that God has planned out every detail in our lives and even in the most difficult of times God is working in our hearts to change us and grow us. The leader had used the analogy last week of going through difficult times is like climbing a mountain. It is hard work and might be easy for us to want to quit, but if we stick it out and make it to the top the view is breath taking. I can't wait to make it to the top of the mountain.

Getting back on track

2008-09-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I don't know about most of you, but during the summer I really feel like I slacked off from being in the word regularly. I mean I would read my devotional, but not spending a lot of time reading my bible.

Well, today I started BSF and I am so excited. It was so great to be back in the word, to feel like I have some structure back in my life. Someone to hold me accountable.

If any of you know me well, you know that I NEED structure and when I don't I fall apart. I am so excited to go through this study and get to know this great group of women.

We are going to be going through the study of Moses. It was great hearing the leader speak today as well because she sad so many things that stuck with me. One of them being something that is so true for me and something that I seem to struggle with.

I struggle with the act of obedience. I don't know why, but if you tell me I have to do it there is this piece of me that digs my feet in and wants to rebel and not do it. The leader said today "The desire to obey is easier than the ACT of obedience". How true this is. I don't want to be disobedient and I have good intentions, but putting it into action is so much harder sometimes.

I know there is a reason why I am going through this study and God has me surrounded by a wonderful group of believers. My goal is to become obedient without fighting it the whole way.

God changes us when we walk in obedience with Him. I must trust Him, follow Him and most of all obey Him. I need to become more like Moses. His deepest desire was to see God face to face, and he obeyed God even when things seemed impossible.

What a wonderful thing to be able to do. God is at work in us and for us, to bring us into a relationship with Him. I can't wait to grow my relationship with Him.

Happy Anniversary

2008-09-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today I have been blessed to celebrate 14 years with my wonderful husband. I can't believe it has been that long, (Ronnie, you might be thinking yes, 14 long years...hee)

Ronnie you have stuck by me through all of our ups and downs and have put up with me more than anything. You have been a wonderful husband, father and most of all my best friend.

Thank you for all you do for me and our children, you continually bless us and provide for us and I am so thankful for all you do. You have become a wonderful role model for our children and Godly leader for our family.

I love you honey, thank you for 14 fun filled, eventful years. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Happy Anniversary!!!! You are the BEST, I love you.

They Survived

2008-09-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the first day of school. I felt sick sending my daughter off to high school for the very first time. Keegan and Tom were excited and ready to go on time, AMAZING !!!

I was so happy that Keegan still wanted me to walk him in. It was weird seeing him with all the big kids :-( He is growing up so quickly and before I know it he will be moving on to Middle School and not wanting his mommy to walk him to class.

I felt like a puppy today waiting for Aubrey and Mary to get from school. Praying that they had a good day and nothing traumatic happened to them. So as soon as I saw them coming up the sidewalk I ran out to the porch to see them standing with a group of friends chatting, laughing and having a great time. What a relief.

I asked them how their day went this is what I got from Mary..." I'm in LOVE!!!" how was school? Aubrey..." There are so many CUTE BOYS" hmmm... are we seeing a pattern here? It was not until I had to hear about all of these stupid boys that I was able to get out of them that it was hard, they have a ton of homework and oh, yeah... did you hear there are soo many cute boys!!!! Argh! I am not looking forward to the next 4 years.

So all in all the kids had a great day. I had a GREAT DAY, and I can't wait to ship...umm, I mean take the little angels to school tomorrow :-)

Ready for School

2008-09-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, today is the last day of the summer vacation for the Moss household. I am excited and sad that my children will be going on to their new classes tomorrow. We spent the whole day running from hair cut to school supplies and back to the next hair cut. Nothing like waiting for the last minute.

For the most part our summer has been good, but I can tell that I am running short on patience and tired of refereeing fights. It had gotten so bad the last couple of weeks that Aubrey and Keegan had come up with an idea to share a room together and let Tom have Aubrey's room. I hesitated for a bit on this idea, but all of my solutions have not worked thus far so why not let the kids figure it out.

So Saturday I spent all day moving Aubrey into Keegan's room and Tom into Aubrey's room. To my surprise it has been working out wonderfully. Keegan has not slept in his room since Tom has moved in ( since November) he has been sleeping in our bed. We have had our bed back for 4 nights now! Praise God :-)

I am sick to know that my little girl is growing up and beginning high school tomorrow,Keegan 3rd grade and Tom is in 8th. It seems like just yesterday they were running around in their diapers and cuddling in our laps. Even looking at Tom's pictures from when I first met him he was so small. Time is flying by so quickly and I pray that I can teach them all the things they need to know before they are on their own and don't want to listen to us anymore.

If I could only have them be my little babies again.

The Big Catch...

2008-08-29T13:50:00.001-07:00

Ronnie took Keegan fishing the other morning and look what he caught! He was so proud and excited. Ronnie said he thought he had just hit bottom and didn't believe he really had a fish. That will teach him...both Keegan and Dad are still bragging about this nearly 20lb King Salmon.

Way to go Keegan!

Help Bless...

2008-08-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

So for most of you that read my blog regularly you have heard me talk of my friend Charity who's son was adopted from Liberia with a serious heart defect. Well Eman is doing wonderfully which is such an answer to prayer.

Now Charity, who by the way is just an amazing woman is going to be traveling to Africa for 4 months to help with the clean water program as well as putting together birthing kits.

This is copied from her blog page:

During the month of September I will be collecting birthing kits to provide to the women and midwives in the village near Arua. Simple clean birthing kits can do so much to keep moms and babies safe from disease and infection.

See Below:

Nearly 600,000 women die in childbirth each year, most of these in 3rd world countries. Countless other women develop post-natal infections or complications that can cause illnesses or lifelong reproductive problems, usually due to the lack of basic medical supplies for mothers and their midwives.
Many newborns develop infections or illnesses shortly after birth due to poor birthing hygiene, and many die. Quite often this can be easily prevented with a simple birthing kit. In September 2008, we will be hosting a birthing kit drive for the mothers and babies of Arua, Uganda.
With each birthing kit, you will be able to provide an opportunity for a healthy start in life to a precious new baby (or two!) in Arua. Each birthing kit will also send one special mother down the beginning of the road to a healthy recovery.
Alongside the birthing kits, basic hygiene education will be provided to continue the cycle of clean & healthy births for the next generation of Aruan mothers.

Here is the contents of a birthing kit:
*shower curtain from the Dollar Store* 6 medium gloves in a snack-size Ziploc bag* nail brush* bar of soap- ivory or dove type (leave this out if mailing!)* one new single edge razor blade* one small roll of straight edged ribbon( found at craft stores)* 2 cloth maternity pads(the plain Gerber cloth diapers at Walmart work great for this)* receiving blanket* 2 newborn hats* 2 pair baby socks* 1 layette gown
*2-3 alcohol swabs if available (diabetic section in Walmart)All of this should be packaged in a 2 to 2 ½ gallon Ziploc bag.

If anyone feels they would like to help with this project, please email me privately at charityalonso@yahoo.com and I will give you the address to mail in your birthing kits.

I would love to be able to help bless her in this new chapter of their lives. If you can help in any way at all please email me or email Charity at the address above and help save a mother and child.

Thanks!

Heartbroken....

2008-08-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well, my daughter is heartbroken, in fact I think we all are. As some of you might know my daughters dog Katie had to be put down yesterday. I think this was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do.

People say it was just a dog, yes that might be true, but this dog has been a BIG part of Aubrey's life since she was 1 year old.

We got this special little friend for her first birthday and they have been inseparable ever since. This dog has slept with her for the last 14 years, has cheered her up when nothing else would and has even stayed at the hospital with her when nothing else seemed to be making her better.

Aubrey had decided to come home from camp to spend time with her before we had to let her go. As a mother I didn't ever imagine how hard it was going to be for her, and to see her weep so hard when her beloved friend passed was so painful.

I am so thankful that she has so many wonderful memories of this special dog, and I pray that God will heal her broken heart and that she will have some peace about losing her best friend.

Please pray for her, this is such a hard thing for her to deal with right now.

Finally some fun...

2008-07-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

Well, we just got back from a wonderful mini-vacation. Thanks to the Kendall Family we were able to spend 4 days out at Anderson Island.Their family owns an amazing cabin right on the beach!

This is the first time in months that all of us have been able to go and just have fun. It was the best ever. It was so good for all of the kids and the parent's :-)

Tom and Aubrey spent hours rowing TOGETHER on the boat and laughing and having fun. I about fell over when I saw it. I kept telling Ronnie I could of kicked myself for not having a camera to capture the moment. They fished, crabbed and swam and best of all NO FIGHTS. Praise God for that. Keegan swam, burried himself in the sand and went on a snipe hunt... he almost got one!

It was a much needed time to reconnect away from t.v.'s, Internet, phones. I felt like it was good for us to grow closer to Tom and just get it all out in the open. It felt so good to wave the white flag with him and just ask to start over again.

Since we have been home it has been so nice. I feel like we truly are a family right now and that I am breaking down the walls that my son has had up for so long.

We need to do more mini-vacations more often. What a blessing to have such a great family.

Update on Eman

2008-07-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been following Charity's posts daily and it looks like Eman is doing quite well for all he has gone through. Please continue to keep him and his family in your prayers. You can follow his updates by clicking on this link. http://internationalmommy.blogspot.com/.

Things that I love

2008-07-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

1. I love the way Keegan and I are the first up in the morning and he still likes to cuddle with me.

2. I love the way my 13 almost 14 year old still calls me momma.

3. I love the way Tom's face lights up when he smiles.

4. I love the way my husband can make me laugh even when I am on the verge of tears.

5. I love the way Keegan hugs me and tells me he Loves me.

6. I love the way Aubrey is so silly and entertains me daily..sometimes too much :-)

7. I love the way Tom say he is goring instead of going somewhere ( we are working on this)

8. I love the way all of my children have a love for the Lord

9. I love the way Keegan will sit and read chapter books in a day and is thirsty for more.

10. I love that even though my children are growing so quickly that they will still always be my babies no matter what.

11. I love that my husband puts up with me all the time when I can't even stand myself at times.

12. I love that God has blessed us with so much and am so grateful for all that he continues to do in our lives.

Sometimes you just loose it..

2008-07-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

So tonight was not one of my finest moments. It started out earlier today when I was trying to get my boy ready for football camp. We were blessed to be able to get Tom into the Seahawk's free football camp for one week. I told him he needed to get ready and I got him a water bottle ready for him. He responded with "I don't want water you need to get me Gatorade"...What???

I told him water would have to do and that was all he was getting. He said than he would not drink, that water made him tired. I responded with "didn't you drink water in Liberia?" he said
" I am not in Liberia anymore".

I know this all sounds silly, but it really sent me today. It has been building for so long that this was the thing that really got me boiling. I had to go outside and just settle. How can a child become so spoiled, rude and self centered?

I am trying so hard to teach him the things that are important in life and yet I feel like he is not listening. I took him to football, neither of us spoke a word. I let him out and told him I loved him and that I hoped he had a good day, he just slammed the door and went on his way. I stewed all the way home.

When I picked him up he still said nothing. I try not to let this bother me, but things like this kill me. I love this boy so much and want so much for him to be a part of our family and like me and things like this break my heart so badly.

So I made my mind up tonight that I am not going to let it bother me whether or not he likes me or loves me. I love him to pieces and God has given me him to care and love for him and that is what I am going to do.

I told him to go to bed tonight and he responded with some smart remark and I finally lost it.... not the best moment of my being a mom. I told him I was sick and tired of his behavior, that he was a self centered little brat and I could care less if he ever liked me. That I loved him and that I will never stop. I am going to stop walking on egg shells with him and that if he doesn't start treating me with the same respect he treats my husband he will be sitting in his room for a good long while.

He went to his room and said nothing and I went to the bathroom and cried for a while and felt horrible for yelling at him and yet good that I got it out. I never thought this is how I would be as a mother. I have had rough moments in life, but these ones hurt the most. I struggle so badly since I wanted this child so badly and expected him to love me the way I love him and yet I feel like my expectations were so high for how this relationship was supposed to be that I am floundering to keep my head above water.

I just pray that I can be the mother that God would want me to be and that in the end maybe years down the road he will eventually love me, respect me and maybe thank me for never giving up on him. I pray for the energy, endurance and wisdom to make it.

Praise God!!!

2008-07-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

As some of you might know Emanuel went in for heart surgery today. After 7 hours of surgery he is doing well. What an answer to prayers. Thank you to all of you who have been praying for this amazing little boy and his family. Our God is so awesome. If you would like to follow his story you can read it on Charity's blog site at internationalmommy.blogspot.com

Happy 4th!

2008-07-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well, today I started my day with driving my daughter half way to Monroe so she could spend the weekend with her friend and their family. She has become quite the social butterfly now that she is almost a 9th grader. I worry that I will see less and less of her. If only she still thought I was fun to hang out with.

Keegan kept me company on the drive home and we stopped and treated him to a quick shopping trip. I love that he loves to shop and wants his clothes to match :-) I know most men would cringe hearing that, but I smile every time I hear the words... would this match? How often do guys even ask that question? I feel I have trained him well. LOL.

We ended up just staying home tonight my brother stopped by for a bit and my parent's came over for dinner. Poor Ronnie was supposed to get off work at 3, but didn't get home until 6:30 due to some lady running off after she was cuffed. I can't help, but get annoyed with people who just don't think. Luckily everything ended well and no one was hurt.

After dinner we waited for it to get dark enough to sit and watch the fireworks. Poor Ronnie fell asleep before they even started. Keegan and I grabbed some blankets and hung out on the front porch waiting for them to start. Tom finally came out to see what the noises were.

I was worried about how he would react to the noises. He talked a lot about the war in Liberia while we watched and listened to the explosions. He shared stories of how you would have to run in a zig zag to not get shot, or how a missile blew up right in front of him and he was deaf for a couple of days. The more he talked I just thought how lucky he is to even be alive. God has some very important things for this young man to do.

He seemed to like seeing the bright colors in the sky and with everyone he saw he would say "that is so cool, I love the exblosions" so stinking cute. We finally moved inside to finish watching the rest on t.v. where he told me how cool everyone he saw was along with the colors and what he thought it looked like. I don't think I have seen him smile that big in months!

It ended up being one of the best nights just hanging out with my little guys and watching their faces light up with each sparkle in the sky. Thank you God for bringing some joy back into his face. What a blessing that was to see that.

Getting to know you...

2008-07-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

So it has been almost 8 months since I picked up Tom and brought him into our family. It has been series of ups and downs and constantly getting to know each others temperaments, rules and each others little quirks. There has been days that all I can do is cry out to God for guidance due to the frustration that comes along with adopting a teenager that is so set in his ways.

I feel like things are settling a bit and I am really starting to get to know him better. When I first met him he was only this little tiny 10 year old that seemed so innocent and so full of love. I am finding out that little boy has been missing for quite some time now and I am searching so despratly to find him. He shares bits and pieces of his life with us and it is never when you expect it.

The other day we were all out playing in the pool when someone lit off a firecracker in the block. Tom jumped then ducked. I had to explain to him that it was just a firecracker and there was nothing to worry about. This event brought out a whole series of stories that my husband nor I had ever heard. We both knew that when he was younger he was forced to be one of Charles Taylor's crime kids. We always thought that he was one of the lucky ones that was not forced to be a soldier. Well, this event opened up a whole chapter into his life he had never shared before. Tom began to tell us that when the fighting started he was in downtown Monrovia near the bridge. He said the soldiers would come up in their trucks and make them get in and then gave them guns, drop them off in the front lines and they would have to figure out how to fire them and if they were lucky they would pay them, but the adrenaline rush that it gave him was payment enough. As a mother all I wanted to do was weep for him. How can anyone make a child do something like this?

My heart sank as he was talking, I tried so hard not to react and let him know how much my heart was aching as he was talking. I was so shocked at what he was telling us that I just kept asking questions to get him to talk and he did. I should feel so blessed that he trusts us enough now to share this with us, but worried that he seemed to have no remorse or any kind of emotions while he was talking. The more he talked and shared the more proud he seemed about what he had done. What do you do with that? I can not imagine the things he has witnessed or been a part of, the pain that he has gone through and it really explains so much more to why he does the things he does and acts the way he does.

I am so thankful that God entrusted us to help this child and I just pray that he gives me the wisdom and compassion to continue to help him the way he needs to be helped. He is such a blessing to this family and there are days that it is hard to see that, but he is teaching us all daily grace, forgiveness and most of all unconditional love. It is such a beautiful thing to see him growing and letting his guard down, and every time he says he loves me without me saying it first my heart just melts, because that is the sweet boy I first met and reminds me why I am having to endure the rough times. We need to never take for granted the small things in life and be thankful everyday that our lives are no where near what these poor children have had to go through.

Summer

2008-06-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Well, summer is finally in full effect at the Moss House. My last day of work was last Thursday. I am taking some time off to focus on our children and try and catch Tom up on his schooling.

There is a part of me that is so anxious about just being home. I know that sounds silly, but I love to work and I love that I get a break from my job as a mom as well.

I was thinking that this time off will be a nice break and be a little relaxing. Ha! I forgot that when you have free time you tend to fill it with other things. Yesterday was spent reorganizing my files, cleaning the house, refereeing fights (numerous ones) and running errands. I am hoping that this time off I will be able to reconnect with my children and have a wonderful time seeing them grow this summer.

I hope that this time off I will be able to see my children grow closer together and to God and that our family will become closer.

I was talking to another mom the other day and she was telling me that she had to schedule days on her calendar to do nothing. I think that is a wonderful idea to block out times of just resting instead of letting things that are not that important consume us. I guess I will have to make an effort to do this and to enjoy the time off instead of running ourselves ragged.

8th grade dance

2008-06-13T20:45:00.001-07:00

Well tonight was Aubrey's 8th grade celebration dance. I got the privilege of being able to do all of her friends makeup and watching these beautiful "little" girls get ready for the big night.

As I watched them all doing their hair and putting themselves together, seeing my bathroom crowded with 5 girls and hairspray, flat irons, perfume flying all over I realized something....this is what the next 4 years of our lives are going to look like!!!

My sweet little girl is growing up and my heart is broken knowing that pretty soon she will not want me to do her makeup or me to drive her to dances etc.

I still see her as my little girl and love that she still calls me "momma", but before too long my little girl is not going to be a little girl anymore. Ouch, that stings a bit. A few more days and I will officially be the mother of a 9th grader. Where did the time go?

AIDS in Africa...what will you do?

2008-06-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

According to the UN, over 600,000 children around the world are infected with HIV and ~90% of these children live in Africa. People think that AIDS is not a problem anymore, but as you can see it is affecting so many lives. How will you make a difference?

Pray for E-Man

2008-06-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my friend Charity's son E-man. They adopted him from Liberia around the same time we did and he has a heart condition that is need of some healing. You can keep updated on her blog and read their amazing story.

Currently they are at Duke hospital after he had surgery the other day. Continue to lift them up in prayer.
http://internationalmommy.blogspot.com/

My little princess is growing up...

2008-06-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

I am sad to think that the little girl that ran around naked yelling "corn, chicken momma" is soon going to be in High School!

How did this happen? It seems like only yesterday she was running around and playing with her dolls, now she is busy doing her makeup and dressing me. I am getting old :-)

I am so thankful God blessed me with such an amazing daughter. There are times that she does drive me nuts, but that is typical for a 13 year old. She has a love for the Lord is proud of her purity ring and doesn't talk to boys on the phone yet... this might not be her choice. You have to remember that her father is a cop and very protective over his little girl.

She has gotten almost all A's this year and I am so proud of all that she does. I still miss that little curly haired naked girl running around, but am excited to see her growing into a beautiful young woman of God.

I love my husband..

2008-06-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

I have to just say how much I love my husband! He truly is the best. Yesterday he surprised me with a new laptop ( mine had died a week and a half ago) as well as a new navigation system for my car. He is always thinking of us before himself and I am truly so blessed to have such a great guy.

He makes me laugh everyday with some silly saying, act etc., what a wonderful thing especially since there is not a lot to smile about around here lately.

Thank you so much Ronnie for all you do and for being such a great husband, and most of all my best friend!

Loving like Jesus loves us...

2008-05-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am struggling with that one. Jesus loves us no matter what, and forgives us daily and yet I am struggling with how to forgive those I love.

We have been having a really hard time lately with our boy. A boy that God put on my heart 3 years ago and I fell in love with him when I first met him. I know that God has placed this amazing boy in our lives for a reason and yet, I find myself questioning where did I go wrong?

This week has been one of the hardest weeks ever since we have brought him into our family. He has made very poor choices and worst of all lied to us. My heart is just broken, not because of his actions, but because of the lies. I feel like I can not trust him at all right now and it is hard for me since I am supposed to be the one teaching him grace, mercy forgiveness and love.

This morning he told me he did not like me or want to be a part of our family. He would rather go back to Liberia. I thought I was prepared to hear those words, since other families have warned me that at some point we would hear that, but it was like a knife to my heart.

I have longed to have him be a part of our family, we have sacrificed so much to get him here and have tried so hard to make him a part of our family, and yet I feel like I have failed.

Mom's don't fail and I won't let this fail. I have heard people say some adoptions fail and the best thing to do is send them back. How do you do this? God placed him in our care for a reason and no matter how much I dislike him right now I still love him to pieces, I am just struggling with the showing forgiveness to a child who clearly does not have any remorse for his actions/lies.

I know this is something that God is growing inside of me and a lesson that is clearly for me to learn. I will not fail this child and let him go, whether he likes it or not I am in it for the long haul... I am just hoping it is not too long, I am getting tired.

What do you spend your money on?

2008-05-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

I saw this on my friends blog and had to share it. It really makes you think, what is important in life and what can we do to make a difference.

So what will you spend your money on? It only takes a small amount to make a difference in someone else's life.

Love..

2008-05-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

It has been a little over 6 months now since we have brought Tom home. He has been such a blessing and yet caused so much heart ache to our family, or maybe to me.

I keep thinking back to the first time I met him and how much joy he brought me, how simply he lived and yet seemed so content with nothing. I wish I could find that boy again. I feel like I am slowly losing him. I know part of it is him becoming a normal 13 year old boy, but in only a few short months he has become self absorbed and so materialistic. How? We don't live our lives this way and yet he tells me " you need to go and buy me this.." Excuse me? What ever happened to "mom, may I have this?"

I am baffled, how quickly our society ruins these children. I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with one of his teachers today giving me an update on how he was doing at school. Not what I was hoping for. She said that he is rude, disrespectful, wanting to hang out with the gangsters ( in fact on the biggest ones at the school) and doesn't answer her when she talks to him. How did this happen? We are so strict with him, working daily on manners, respect, monitoring his every step, and yet, I feel I have failed.

I know he is miserable here, even though we love him so much it hurts, and try and provide all of his needs to him. What else can you do? I pray that God will change his heart, that He will knit us together and yet he keeps pulling away.

I guess I just wish I could find that sweet little boy that was so eager to just be with me, hug me and say that he loves me as well.

Yesterday for Mother's day I felt so blessed to have 3 beautiful children and to hear them say that they loved me, yet my husband had to tell Tom to say it to me and to give me a hug. Ouch... that one hurt a bit. I know that it will come, but it seems like I can't see the end in sight anymore. Is this what attachment disorder is? Or is this just a child who truly is not happy here?

I know that this is a process that many adoptive parents of these children go through and I thought I was so prepared, but no one can prepare you for the true heartache that comes along with loving these kids and not knowing how to reach a child that won't let you in. I continue to thank God for the small blessing He shows me daily in seeing my children smile, hearing the laughter, and the chattering of their little voices. I need to remind myself daily that God chose us to raise this child and through Him anything is possible.

life....

2008-05-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

My goodness, it has been some time since I have last posted. Life seems to have consumed me. Keegan has started playing baseball and my wonderful husband is coaching again this year. I think my husband is more excited than Keegan at times.

Tom has started practices with the Sparta Team and is full of smiles when you mention soccer to him. I hope this team will be a blessing, and he will build some wonderful friendships through it.

Mom on the other hand is dreading this season. I know that sounds horrible, but I look at our calendar and there is baseball practice 2 a week with games every Saturday. Soccer is a 2 hour practice one of which is the same day and time of our baseball games. I have officialy become the taxi, and Tom's games haven't even started yet.

Don't get me wrong I know this is great for them, but I don't do well going from one event to the next. Our nights with nothing going on seem far and few. Our Monday's are dedicated to counseling (which by the way I love this lady!). We found a wonderful Christian counselor, her background is in child traumatology and her experience is in Liberia! What a blessing she has been, and I am so thankful that God put her into our lives.

I have hope for our boy, although there are days that I question myself " we spent how much money to go through this??" Things are getting better, we are still having our moments daily,but they are getting easier for me to deal with and I have just stopped taking it personal. I think that has been the biggest relief for me is to know that this boy does not know how to have a relationship and I can't get my feelings hurt because he doesn't know any different.

Through all of these ups and downs with our new blended family, I am seeing God doing so many wonderful things. It is teaching Keegan and Aubrey patience, grace and a new kind of love. Tom is learning that he can be loved and experiencing grace and mercy. Ronnie and I have had to pull together and I have never felt more close to him through all of this. What a blessing this truly has been.

I am sure that God is pruning us all right now and that is never a fun thing, but I can't wait to see all of the beauty that comes from this when we are done going through it.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people that God has placed in my life to encourage me and to pray for me.

Busy...

2008-04-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted in a while because we have been so busy. Ronnie left on Monday to Idaho for the Coast Guard. I was dreading him leaving in fear that I would have problems with the kids, but surprisingly things have been quiet and peaceful. I think God knows when you are at the end of your ropes and gives you a break. Thank you!!!

The kids actually hung out and watched movies last night together and I was even able to leave them alone while I went to small group. I didn't even get one phone call! Amazing. Maybe things are starting to turn around I hope.

Ronnie gets to come home a day early so I am excited to have an adult to talk to again. I hope our week continues to be pleasant and that this is the beginning of our kids finally starting to get along.

Not what I expected...

2008-04-08T22:49:00.000-07:00

So last night we went to our counseling apt. I was hoping to come out with a solution to our problems with Tom and the kids and have a plan of action on how we could fix it.

I left feeling a little overwhelmed, discouraged and heart broken. Our counselor thinks Tom has Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have been reading up a ton on it as part of our homework she gave us and it is really a lot to take in.

I was thinking we would come home and have some resolution to our problems so we could start getting things under control. Our counselor said we will probably need to be seeing someone once a week for him and we have a "long rough road ahead of us". That was not the words I was looking to hear.

I love this little guy to pieces and I don't regret bringing him into our family, but I wish I was better equipped as a mom to deal with all of this. I am getting tired to be quite honest. I feel like I am two steps behind on everything and all of the things I "thought" I knew as a parent needs to be tossed out with this and dealt with in a manner that I am not familiar with.

I think it is funny how God starts preparing you for these things way before you experience them. I don't think it is any coincidence that we are going through a series called "Conflict" at church right now, and God has blessed me with wonderful friends and family to help support us through this all.

I know this could be so much worse. I have heard horror stories of other children that were adopted and the things the parent's have gone through and I thank God daily that we are blessed to not have to deal with that.

I guess right now I am relieved to have answers and someone who is ready and willing to help us work through this. My heart is broken as a mom to know that my child does not know how to give or receive love. All I want to do is help him to feel... and hopefully with prayer and hard work I will be able to rejoice soon when I can see my son truly feel and receive all the love that our family has for him. That will be a glorious day!

If you would like to learn more about RAD here are a couple of links that explain what this is:
http://www.newyorkattachmentcenter.com/Fdiagnosis.html#2
http://www.center4familydevelop.com/helpteachrad.htm

Peace and Quiet

2008-04-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for today. Today is the first day that I have off and the kids are back to school. I can't remember the last time I was home all alone.

I don't know what to do with myself today, but I am excited. Maybe I can read some, clean my house and catch up with some friends. God is so good to give us breaks when he knows we can't take anymore. Thank goodness for that.

Tonight we have a counseling apt. with all of the kids. I can't wait to have some outside help to give us all tools to better communicate with each other. Especially our newest one.

I pray that we will come out of this tonight with a strong sense of peace and contentment, and that this puts us on the right path to making our family stronger.

Something to Ponder....

2008-04-06T21:42:00.000-07:00

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

I saw this quote tonight and it really struck a cord with me. As humans we naturally seek out experiences or things to bring us happiness. Our kids have been taught by society or us that in order to be happy you need to have the most money, the best clothes, the nicest cars and on and on.

Do you know how much joy we could experience if we strived to live a life of love, grace and gratitude? If we could stop being so obsessed about the Jone's or the newest coolest gadget out there and started focusing on people and community. To be thankful that we are alive each day, and for God's unending grace and mercy on us.

Just something to think about.

The Grocery Store

2008-04-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

I never thought in a million years that when I was all grown up I would find peace and quiet in going to the grocery store! The things you look forward to when you have a house full of fighting children.

Today I drove up to the Military base and went grocery shopping. I tell you it was the best hour and a half of my life. It has been a rough week and I feel like I haven't gotten a break from all of the chaos. Sad that my big day out was getting groceries, but oh, how wonderful it was. Even though it was packed today, it was time away without anyone saying "momma, momma" or children tattling on each other etc. Oh, what peace!

Don't get me wrong, I love my children to pieces and I think lately all I have done is vent on my blog about the things going wrong. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I know that through every obstacle that we are experiencing that God is growing each and everyone of us in a mighty way. I know this is just a season that soon will pass and if God is using these "situations" whether good or bad that it is going to strengthen our family and our faith. How can you complain about that.

I am learning how to deal with so many situations, and learning so much about my emotions and the emotions of my children. God is good and faithful to our needs and he does not give us more than we can handle. I have to remember that.

Extreme Anger...

2008-04-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

So this morning I started out my morning with Nicole praying. It was a great start to my morning. Thank you Nicole.

Then my son (Tom) woke up and asked if he could watch soccer videos on my computer. While he was sitting about 2 feet away from me I asked him a question and when he didn't respond to me I walked over to see that he wasn't watching soccer, but a TRASHY video of a woman. He acted like he accidentally clicked on it and didn't mean to do it.

I proceeded to tell him that on a computer you can go into the history and see everything that someone has done on it. He brushed me off and walked away. So I proceeded to look through the history with my husband. To my disgust all I saw were dirty videos and pictures he has been looking at on You Tube.

I called him out of his room to show him our findings and all he did was sit there and said he didn't do it. I asked him if he was saying his brother (8 years old) or his sister were the ones that were looking at this trash and he said "I don't know maybe you should ask them". Are you kidding me!!!?!!! I lost it and told him to stay in his room. I grounded him, no TV, computer, nothing!!! As far as I am concerned that little boy can stay in there until our counceling apt. on Monday.

The thing that troubles me more than the trash he was looking at is that he would not admit he did it. The blatant lies and disregard for others. Thank goodness my husband was here to help me stay under control because I really think I would like to ring his little neck.

God could of never prepared me for any of this. I am so thankful for my friend Nicole this morning and starting my day off in prayer. I think I would of really lost it if I had not done so.

It is so hard to practice grace, mercy and forgiveness. I know this is something I really do need to practice. I am thankful for God's constant and continuous love and all that he is teaching me daily. I so need it right now.

My little Man

2008-04-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed to reminded of how wonderful children can be. I feel like for the last couple of weeks I have used my blog to vent about how frustrated I am with the behavior of some of my children.

This morning God reminded me how blessed I am and how wonderful children can be. My son Keegan, is truly my little man. He woke up gave me the biggest hug ever and told me how much he loved me. That melted my heart, and made all that has gone wrong this past week disappear!

What a blessing he is in my life and even though he can be a handful, he truly brings me such an enormous amount of joy.

Thank you God for the small reminders of how wonderful my children are, I really needed that.

Soap...

2008-04-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

So I have a question for anyone who has experience with Liberian children. Does your child eat soap???

I am baffled. Since Tom has been here we have found teeth marks in the bars of soap in the shower. First I thought maybe he couldn't read the shampoo bottles and he didn't want to use it on his hair, but I have explained all of that and was still finding this. We finally talked to him and told him to stop it. He never responded and we stopped seeing it, so we thought problem solved.

Wrong!! I was putting away some of his clothes today and noticed there was a small bar of soap in his drawer with teeth marks all over it. What in the WORLD? Why would you purposely put soap in your mouth? I guess I can never use that as a punishment for him.

So if anyone can give me some insight to this weird problem I would greatly appreciate it.

How I love the SUN!!!

2008-04-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

There is just something about the sun that changes the way people act. My kids have been at each others throat lately. I have been pulling my hair out trying to find ways to get them to get along.

Today I come home from work and to my amazement they were ALL playing basketball together. Smiling, laughing and this is the best part GETTING ALONG.

You know how when you see something too good to be true you don't want to do anything to ruin it. I sat in my car watching and loving every minute of it, I didn't want to get out and distract them for fear that they would start back at square one.

I was so glad to see the sun today, glad that my children made an effort to enjoy each other for change. It only lasted for an hour or so, but it was truly the best hour ever!

Conflict

2008-03-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

So we just started going through a series at church today on conflict. If you don't know me very well, I hate conflict. I try to avoid it at all costs. Maybe because I grew up in a constant state of coflict.. I am not sure.

So as I am listening to our pastor talk this morning I am trying to get as much of what he is saying down on paper. I know this is something I need desprately. It is so amazing how God works. I feel like our home has been a constant state of conflict these past few weeks.

The things that stood out the most to me was when Jon said conflict is not the reason why you have trouble, it is the way you do it. This is so true! Most of the time when I deal with conflict I can feel myself just falling apart inside. Always worrying about how others are going to react and then holding back from what I say so that I don't rock the boat and keep the peace. This is not good for me for me though because I just dwell on it and it is never resolved for me.

This is not the way God had intended us to do conflict. I need to remeber that God is not a God of disorder, but a God of peace and that the only way I am going to have peace and give peace to my children is by teaching them how to do it in a healthy way. In Proverbs 3:5-6 it says peace is hard work. This is so very true. I am praying that over the next few weeks I can learn this and teach it to my children and experience true peace.

The joys of parenting

2008-03-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything.

Since last time I had posted Ronnie finally came home from Alaska. Thank goodness, it was a rough week without him. You never realize how much you depend on someone until they are gone. I really appreciate all that my husband does!

Tom tried out for the Sparta Soccer team and made it. Yay, I am so excited about him having something to look forward to. As well as he met another Liberian boy that has been here since he was 8 years old and is Tom's age. Dakinah and him totally hit it off and it was our first sleep over since he has been here. I feel bad saying this, but it was soo nice to have a break from him. Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces, but it is draining being on at all times. From the time I step foot out of bed until the time I go to bed he is there. Asking a question, arguing with me or just plain hanging out wherever I am. I never realized how much work it would be to have a teenager added to our family.

Needless to say it has settled down since last week. Since Ronnie has gotten home I think we might have solved the whole sagging his pants issue. He got in trouble again from Ronnie on Monday so Ronnie went out and bought him briefs and took away all of his boxers! I would have never had thought that one up myself.

It was the first time I have ever seen our boy MAD since he has been here. I mean really mad. He said he was going to refuse to wear them, and he is so stubborn he has. He actually took them all out of his drawer the other night and set them in the middle of his floor. I told him to put them back and he said "no, they just waste space" I said then I guess you are not going to have any underwear..thinking this would get him. Oh, no! Not this stubborn little Liberian boy. He just told me he would not wear any underwear at all. I could not believe he would rather choose no underwear to briefs.

Ronnie thinks it is great, because now he can't sag his pants without his bare rear hanging out. We will see how long this one lasts. Sheesh! Of all things to fight about, but we can not budge on this or we will loose so many other battles. I am really tired of the whole battling thing.

For the past few days I have been fighting a bug and it is really wiping me out trying to still referee kids fighting and keeping up the mom duties while feeling horrible. I tried to sleep in the other day when I hear from the hallway "Where's momma? Why isn't she taking us to school? I don't have a lunch..." and on and on. You would have thought these questions were coming from my 8 year old, but no. My wonderful 8th graders who are 13 and 14 were whining these wonderful things.

Sometimes I think I have ruined our children, making them so dependent on me that they are incapable of the simplest tasks when I am here. I know that they can do them when I am not. They expect me to wait on them constantly or be in their presence and frankly I just feel like I need a vacation!

How do mom's with more children do it? It is not like they are infants or toddlers, just lazy and very dependent on me. If only they came with books on what works and doesn't with each child. I will get it eventually, I just hope it is soon, I am tired of making mistakes.

Roller Coaster

2008-03-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't updated in a while. Life has been crazy. We are remolding a bathroom so we have 5 people using one room (note, we have 2 teenagers!!!).

Ronnie got orders on Thursday to go to Alaska for a week, leaving Monday. Thank you Coast Guard. This will be the first time since Tom has been here that I am flying solo.

It is only Tuesday and we have already had a bumpy start. Yesterday our son (Tom) got in trouble for "sagging" his pants again at school. This has been an ongoing battle since he started school. There school has a dress code and that is not part of it, in fact if you get caught doing so you get written up. So, as you can assume I was not a happy mom when we heard this. Ronnie and I talked to him on the way to the airport and told him it was unacceptable and that he was not to ever do it again.

So we drop dad off and head over to visit my parents and what do you think the first thing my dad says to me when we walk in? Hmm... why does your son want to have his rear hanging out!?! Well, I about lost it. Here I had just gotten done talking to him about it and he goes and drops his pants again?

We get home and have a long conversation about respect and obedience and I think I have made my point and we are done with this whole thing. Too my amazement, 11 MINUTES after I drop him off at school today I get a phone call that he was written up again for sagging his pants. Boy was he lucky he was at school. I was furious! Then to get 2 more phone calls the same day from separate teachers saying he had been disrespectful and SAGGING his stinking pants! I told the teachers to kick him out of school, write him up do whatever it takes to make a lasting impression.

I thought I would have a hard time with Ronnie being gone and a 14 year old Liberian boy respecting and listening to a woman, but had no idea how hard.

Thank God for the advice of my friend today. Thank you Sara! Thank God for the 15 minute trip from work to school to give me time to pray, and calm down. I was able to have a really good conversation with him after school and let him know he has choices everyday, how does he want to be perceived? God put him here in our home for a reason and he can make the next 4-5 years miserable or he can try to make a difference in the way he lives his life and what God wants for him. He has an opportunity to get educated and make the most of this opportunity.

God is so good! This was the first night that my son of almost 5 months has hugged me and told me that he was happy here.

Sometimes we must endure to see the beauty in a situation, and tonight I finally saw the boy I fell in love with the first time I went to Liberia. I think he hides behind a mask and doesn't know how to feel, fit in and most of all LOVE.

I look at this experience like child birth, it is painful we hate going through it and it doesn't always go as planned. But in the end we are so blessed by an amazing gift that it makes all of the pain disappear and all you can focus on is the beautiful little face God just gave you.

I am sure this is just the begining in my roller coaster ride with a new son, but I am prepared to stay on and not get off before the ride is completely come to a stop.

I hope and pray that the rest of the week is a straight shoot and there are no more twists and turns.

The ups and down of children

2008-03-06T22:44:00.001-08:00

So it has been a pretty good week in the Moss house...busy, but good. The kids are getting along good. We are getting into more of a routine and Tom has been going up to the school and playing soccer and making new friends.

Aubrey and Tom got their progress reports yesterday. I was a very proud mom Aubrey got all A's and one B+ and Tom got all B's and C's! Amazing since the teachers are finally "really" grading him. Gotta love the public schools. This seems to be Aubrey's year, after being so sick this summer and in the past, she finally seems to be doing well and getting good grades. We were worried that she would be struggling this year, but she is blowing us away.

I feel like we have a couple of good days and than all of the sudden we are back to square one again with Tom. Today he came home and for some reason decided he was not talking to me or any of us for that matter.

I went to pick up Keegan and go to the store expecting the older kids to do their chores while I was gone and came home to Aubrey doing hers and Tom just hanging out. So like any parent would do I told him he was not any different from the rest of us, and if he did not do his chores there would be not T.V. or anything. So he stomped outside did a couple of things and then went to bed. This seems to be a pattern when he is upset with us he just sleeps. After he woke up I offered him dinner and he still refused to talk or eat tonight. I have noticed this is also a pattern that he thinks really bothers me if he doesn't eat ( this used to when he first got here) I realized he is a big boy and he is not going to starve himself so I don't even acknowledge it anymore.

No explanation, just not talking to me. I am trying not to let it bother me, but I can not stand when the kids shut down and the fact that he won't even tell me what is bothering him drives me NUTS! Maybe he is just being a "typical" teenage boy, but the fact that I can't read him yet makes me question everything that I do and if he is even happy here.

I can not wait for the day I can look at him and see by the look on his face if he is worried, happy, or mad. As of now I just have to guess and hope that he tells me.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day and we are back on course. If only they all came with an instruction manual! :-)

World's Greatest Brother!

2008-02-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

This is what I call a great brother! Any boy who is willing to let his 13 year old sister dress HIM up like Hanna Montan is amazing! Poor boy.. he had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Hanna Montan eat your heart out!

Things are settling down...

2008-02-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

Well it has been about 4 months now since Tom has joined our family. We have had our definite up's and down's, but for the most part it has been such a wonderful experience. I can finally see the kids connecting like true siblings and that is the most amazing thing to witness!

I finally feel like I can relax a little more at home now and don't have to be on "guard" as much. The kids are working as a team and helping each other with chores, home work, and even their battles.

School is going much better now for Tom after we finally met with the counselor and psychologist. Good old Tacoma School District did not do their job when they first enrolled him into the school and did not test him properly. So for the first couple of months we were getting his report cards, progress reports and he was getting all A's and B's which we were blown away with and couldn't figure out since he struggled so badly trying to do his home work.

Well, come to find out that his teachers were grading him on his "effort" and being a good kid not his knowledge. When they tested him they found out he is at a 1st grade reading level and barley 2nd grade for math. Here is a child that is in 8th grade and has been struggling, but we had no idea because they were grading him on being a good kid! What in the world is wrong with the school system??

Now that we know where he is at we have been able to readjust his schedule get him some extra help and know how to help him better. They just got him into band as well playing drums and he is very excited. He is going to have to take summer school and then going to take 8th grade over again next year. I thought this would be devastating to him, but he is really excited about it as well as it has been really great the way God is putting the right people in his life to make the transition easier.

Today when I got home from my treatment, my husband said he was at the park with his new friends..I about fell over. He has not made any effort to really connect or meet anyone since he has been here and I was so happy to hear that there is a couple of really nice boys in 7th grade that live right up the street and adore our boy! Praise God for creating those friendships to help make his stay at Truman again an enjoyable one.

He can home singing and beaming from playing with his new friends and I pray that this new found confidence blossoms into more and more friendships.

Days like this make all of the frustration that I have felt in the past so worth it and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family that God has surrounded me with.

I can't wait to see where things go in the next few months as things get settled down more and Tom is more adjusted.

Mount Rainer

2008-02-23T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well, for the past two weeks I have been promising the kids I would take them to the mountains to go and play in the snow. Every time we have made these plans something has come up and we have had to cancel, kids getting sick, Ronnie's work schedule etc.

So today we woke up and headed out at 6:45 and had a blast! I felt horrible today,but I wouldn't have traded it for the world to see those kids playing together and the smiles on there faces. This was Tom's first time at the Mountains and his words were "this is very sweet" which means he liked it!

Aubrey and Tom road doubles and it was so great seeing them all bonding. Keegan and Tom built a snow fort and then proceeded to play what looked to be Ramboo hiding in trees and pelting each other with snow bombs!

It was the most beautiful day as well we didn't even have to wear our jackets. My brother and his wife came with to help out and what a blessing they were to help out!

Tom tried to put snow in his hat to bring home to show dad, but got busted by mom before he got to the car :-) I don't think he knew it would melt.

By the time we got on the road they were all fast asleep before we left the park! I am glad that I sucked it up today to see the smiles on their faces.

Tonight at dinner Tom and Aubrey were still talking about it. Thank you God for creating opportunities to knit my children's hearts together, what a blessing,

Prayer...

2008-02-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

So I finally got back on the prayer wagon with my friend and met this morning to pray...5:45 a.m! I dread getting up that early, but what a difference it makes to start your day off thanking God for all that He has done! There is also something so amazing about getting together with others to pray. Thank you God for putting those people in my life!

Thank you Nicole for holding me accountable, you have no idea how badly I needed that today. Keegan was very sad after you left that we did not wake him to pray with us...he would like us to do so next time! Gosh, I just love him to pieces, so needless to say after you left we prayed on the couch for 10 minutes, now that is the icing on the cake.

It is funny to me how we rebel sometimes against the things that can benefit us the most and are so easily distracted by the things that are not good for us. I am so glad that God is such a forgiving God and is always pursuing me even when I am not Him. What a awesome God!

The Moss Family

2008-02-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I have finally broke down and become a part of the blogging world! I always love reading others and it is great to be able to share what is going on in our lives with our friends and family.

Where to start, I married my highschool sweet heart. We have been married for 13 years now and have 3 beautiful children. My daughter Aubrey is 13 and is one of the most beautiful and amazing young ladies I know. She is in 8th grade this year and soon to be in High School...UGH!!!She has a heart for God and is very compassionate about others. She is also very entertaining and always coming up with some crazy ideas. Recently she is obsessed with our cell phones videos recordings and making things look like they disapear? I have no idea how she comes up with this stuff.

Next is Keegan, he is 8 and my little man. He was a firecracker when he was in my belly and continues to shock and amaze us daily.He is my little preacher man. Keegan accepted Christ a couple of years ago and has such a great relationship with Him, sometimes I am envious that I don't have that kind of faith. Last year he managed to cut off his finger while playing with a bike! Luckily doctors were able to sew it back on... can't wait until High School, Yikes! He is also my little technology wizard and book worm. Currently he is in 2nd grade, but the teacher said he is reading 4th grade books! He is always on the go until he finally passes out in the evening..literally anywhere!

Then there is our newest addition, Tom. We just adopted him this past November from Liberia. He is 14 years old and we went through so much to get him here. I met him in 2005 when I first went to Liberia and fell in love with him. We sponsored him at AGC school and kept in contact. God opened a door to allow us to adopt him! Now he is here and he is fighting with his brother and sister just like he has always been a part of our family.He is slowly getting used to the culture and life in the US. He has started this new game with Keegan lately ( they share a room) about beating him with his t-ball bat! I really don't know what to do about it, but Keegan squeels in delight so I just make sure no one is hurt...( note, he just pretends to get him) Geesh, I never imagined this is what being a mom would be like!

Last is my wonderful husband. He never ceases to amaze me and is always making me laugh. It is hard to be mad at someone who always is cracking jokes. He is a State Trooper and now has a Narcotics Canine ( this makes #5 in our dog family), yes we have a zoo! He is a great father and I love seeing him playing with our children. I don't know what I would do without him. He is very compassionate and always looking for ways to help and bless others.

And yes, we do have 5 dogs!!! 2 hamsters...it is a zoo...admission is free!

Well that is about it for now, I will try to figure this whole thing out and share with our friends and family what is new in our lives.